


actually, the markup is very good

by yerbamansa



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Date Night, Fluff, M/M, Romance, callbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 16:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17267765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yerbamansa/pseuds/yerbamansa
Summary: Inspired by something a friend posted elsewhere: "Just observed a man leaving Fred Meyer, wearing a suit. He’d purchased a toilet plunger, a floor mat, and a bouquet of flowers. I want to know the story!"





	actually, the markup is very good

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t place Schitt’s Creek in the U.S. Pacific Northwest (where you’ll find Freddy’s), but my friend's little story spoke to me as a prompt. Because this show has ruined me.
> 
> Set post-s4/holiday special, sometime after they inevitably move in together.

David had made dinner reservations without fully realizing the significance of the date: two years since he’d been goaded into calling Patrick his “boyfriend.” He only knew that the Groupon he’d purchased for the only Japanese restaurant within 150 miles was about to expire, and he wanted some sushi (however misguided it may be to trust sushi purveyors in Elmdale).

But Patrick knew. He hadn’t exactly planned on treating it like some kind of anniversary, but it would fluster the hell out of David, and that alone made it worthwhile.

He’d even thought of a gift: a new toilet plunger. Hey, they needed it for the apartment, and the vendor who used to sell them to the store retired last year.

Patrick hoped David would find it as funny as he did.

“Hey, David, I need to head into Elmdale early to do some, uh, business things. Think you can handle closing up?”

“’Business things’?”

Patrick grinned. “Oh, yeah. You know.”

“I _don’t_ , and I’m getting the idea that you aren’t about to tell me.” David pursed his lips, hovering between amused and annoyed.

“I’m not.” Patrick leaned in and kissed David. “Gotta run.”

“Wait. How am I supposed to get to the restaurant?”

“Figure it out!” Patrick called as the door closed behind him.

“What the fuck,” David muttered, pulling out his phone to ask Stevie for a ride.

* * *

Patrick stopped by the apartment to change into his dark blue-gray suit—getting a little dressed up was part of the surprise. He hadn’t worn it since attending his cousin’s wedding, which was also the last time he’d been home. Since then, he’d been gifted a nice tie and pocket square (guess who), which he donned with pride.

Examining his appearance in the mirror, he sighed. It was a good suit. Not up to the Roses’ high-fashion standards, but it worked for him. He hoped David would agree.

He did, in fact, have a couple actual business errands involving the bank and their insurance agent, but mostly he wanted to go to the Target. He’d been to Target a few times with David and endured far too many minutes of overzealous browsing—which alternated between David finding something actually cute and being horrified by mainstream product quality and style, all of which required running commentary—and this was an errand he preferred to undertake solo.

Besides. He had his mission.

Neither of the “business errands” took too long. The banker even complimented his outfit. So that’s when he found himself in the Elmdale Target on a Thursday afternoon, way overdressed for the occasion, shopping for toilet plungers. _What even is my life now_ , he thought.

A stainless steel plunger stood out as the most potentially inoffensive, albeit _way_ more expensive than a standard model. For the sake of his relationship, he plucked it off the shelf, and wandered off to find a ribbon. And maybe some flowers (does Target even sell flowers? They sell _everything_ , right?). And he could use some new floor mats for the car; they’d gotten a little mud caked on them from the early spring weekend Ted convinced them to take a shelter dog on a hike…

_Stay focused, Brewer_ , Patrick warned himself. It was almost 6. It was almost _too_ easy to kill time here.

His phone alerted him to a waiting text. David.

> _alexis is giving me a ride_   
>  _so i might be late_   
>  _dont let them give away our table_

Patrick laughed to himself in the middle of the auto accessories aisle. He composed a reply.

> _I’ll do my best, babe. Just hope this place is worth it_

He started toward the front of the store, hoping to spot a floral display. _Bloop!_ from the phone.

> _i dont have high hopes if were being honest_   
>  _it is sushi in elmdale_

There it was. And there was something suitably unusual (for a big box store, he supposed), lots of gray foliage, possibly a bit of succulents, and some interesting white flowers he couldn’t identify. Done. He skipped the bag at checkout and headed out to the car. _This is probably kind of a funny look. I hope it gives someone a chuckle_.

* * *

 

By the time David found him at the restaurant, he was halfway into his beer and had started snacking on edamame.

“Hey,” he said brightly, kissing his rushed but smiling boyfriend. “I felt weird sitting here without ordering, so I got an appetizer.”

“Sorry it took so long. You know Alexis.” David stepped back and appraised his boyfriend before taking a seat. “You’re in a suit!”

“I am.”

“You look good!”

“You don’t look half bad yourself.”

“Are those for me?” David asked, spotting the flowers. He finally sat down.

“They are. Do you want the menu?”

“Oohhh! Yes, thank you.” David held the bouquet to his face—but not _too_ close; he’d learned his lesson after the poison oak incident—and sniffed. “Are there any specials?”

“Ah, I’ve been told to refer you to the house specialties menu.” With flourish, Patrick flipped the menu to reveal a colorfully photographed list of specialty rolls. “Perhaps we might sample the Kiss of Fire?”

David grinned. “Indeed. Oh, my god, they have something called a Spread Eagle. That’s… that’s a lot. I’m going to need to see their sake menu _immediately_.”

“Bringing back memories of Japan, right?”

“Ooh! I wonder if they will accept a tip in yen.”

* * *

 

“That… was surprisingly not bad,” David declared after signing the check.

“I still can’t believe how quickly you ate the Snowy Mountain. That thing was enormous.”

“I was hungry!”

“You didn’t even leave room for tempura green tea ice cream.”

“I _know_.”

Patrick thought about the leftover chocolate torte in their fridge. “We have something at home if you change your mind,” he said, opening the passenger door for David. “Oh, I almost forgot, I have a little gift for you.”

“More gifts?” David clasped the flowers.

Patrick popped the trunk and produced the plunger, wrapped with a bow. “We needed one of these.”

David grimaced. “Is that a toilet plunger?”

“Sure is.”

“Ahhh.”

“It’s stainless steel.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah. And you tied a bow on it.”

“I did.”

“Uh-huh.” David looked pensive and confused.

“Do you know what today is?”

David gritted his teeth and looked down, scanning slowly from side to side, thinking. “I… do not.”

Patrick laughed. “Two years ago today we had a disagreement about toilet plungers at the store.”

“Oh. Oh, my _god_.”

“Yeah.”

“And I called you ‘my boyfriend.’”

“And insulted my shoes, if I remember correctly.”

Now David laughed. “I did. I did. These shoes you’re wearing now are very nice.”

“Thank you for noticing.”

“Thank you for remembering.”

They sat in the car for a comfortable, quiet moment, smiling at each other. Finally, Patrick cleared his throat. “I guess we should get home.”

“Mmhmm. And what was that you were saying about something at home…?”

Patrick chuckled and pulled David into a kiss. “You’ll see.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 You can find me on tumblr @yerbamansa.


End file.
